Richmond Parents Monthly | Family Magazine

the frumpy zone by colleen r. lee

Four Bags of Frumpiness, Five New Outfits,
One Big Fat Identity Crisis

In honor of Mother’s Day, I am devoting this column to something that too many moms do without... FASHION! And I’m not talking about sitting around in your sweats and laughing at the fashion victims on “What Not to Wear” as they get blasted by Stacy and Clinton. before

Recently, I played my own personal version of “What Not to Wear” by having Lauren Deloach of D&R Style Consulting give me a Career Clothing Makeover.

Lauren’s mission—should she choose to accept it—would be to go through my work wardrobe, discuss each piece with me, and get rid of anything that didn’t make me look ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS. Lauren would also schedule an appointment for me with one of the hair salons she works with.

After our style consultation, Lauren would shop for a new work wardrobe—without me—and bring the clothes back to me for approval.

The Consultation
Of course, before she came, I had to remove the 15 loads of laundry from the bottom of my walk-in closet and hide them in the spare room so she could actually “walk in.” (With only one child, she hasn’t yet discovered the secret that dirty laundry increases exponentially with each additional child.)

I do realize that with three children, I have let my fashion sense slip out the back door. I mean, I don’t even know how to spell couture (thank God for spell-check). So I wasn’t too surprised when Lauren went through my closet and flung each piece into one of the following categories: too worn, too small, and too outdated.

When Lauren finished, I had four garbage bags of clothes and less than four outfits to wear to work the following week.

I felt fat, frumpy and fashion-less. Never again will I mock those tear-filled video diaries on “What Not to Wear.”

Lauren was very friendly and personable the entire time she was throwing away my identity. But I can’t imagine what would have happened if I actually had to listen to Stacy’s nasally voice whine, “Oh come on! You mean you actually left the house in those _______?” (Insert basically any clothing I own here.)

It was very difficult for me to be objective. Despite Lauren’s congeniality, I turned the experience into a critique of my identity and not just my wardrobe. For some reason, I felt as if the lack of brand name labels in my closet signified that I, myself, was lacking in some way.

I have never been a “Designer Label” kind of girl. I learned long ago that when expensive labels infiltrate my closet, the Frumpy Zone chews them up and spits them out. It’s so much easier to handle a paint-stained shirt when you got it from the clearance rack at Kohl’s.

The Hair Therapy Session
After debating what to wear from my barren closet, I headed to Bubbles Hair Salon. (I ended up with my standard Frumpy Housewife look: worn jeans and long-sleeve tee.) I was very nervous about letting a stranger touch my hair. But Coletti Starks did a fabulous job!

The first question she asked me was, “Do you have time to play with your hair in the morning?” (Do I really need to answer that here?) She gave me a simple, easy-to-take-care-of cut and color.

The Closet Makeover
Armed with my new ’do, I couldn’t wait to try on the clothes that Lauren found for me. The pieces she chose infused my wardrobe with bright, bold colors and soft, silky fabrics.
Unfortunately, most of those fabrics required extra-special care: hand washing, air drying and ironing. (The Frumpy Zone, with its mountains of laundry, really isn’t conducive to any clothing that’s not wash-and-wear—which explains my fondness for cotton/poly blends.)

A few of the blouses that I tried on made me look even frumpier than usual. This spring’s flouncey, flowery, maternity look may be cute on a pencil-thin 20-something, but it is not a good look on middle-aged moms who actually have hips.

But that was the beauty of having Lauren there: anything I didn’t want, Lauren returned or exchanged for me.

The New Old Me
While some of the items forced me to step out of my comfort zone, I emerged with a fresh outlook of my own style and identity. I learned that I can wear clothes that look nice and still be comfortable. But I also learned that clothing does not make the woman—the woman makes the clothing! colleen

Lauren Deloach
D&R Style Consulting
(804) 477-5511
defineredesign.com

Coletti Starks
Bubbles Salon, Short Pump Town Center
(804) 364-9464

Richmond-area writer and teacher Colleen R. Lee lives with her husband and three kids in the Frumpy Zone. Visit her at www.thefrumpyzone.blogspot.com

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