Richmond Parents Monthly | Family Magazine

Pink Construction Zone Ahead

I have a secret to confess. No, it does not involve DNA testing and Jerry Springer. My secret involves the smell of sawdust and tools—I love home improvement stores. No one, not even my husband, knows this about me. When I step through the doors of a Lowe’s or Home Depot and inhale the clean scent of fresh lum-ber, I am no longer a weak, inferior female…I am a prospective Project Creator.

As I aimlessly wander through aisle after aisle of tools for every occasion and project, I am filled with the hope that, yes, I too can create something spectacular. If only I knew what to do with a Dewalt Heavy Duty Chop Saw, I’m sure I could make something—something wooden and big and useful. So what if I don’t know the difference between a Phillips and a Standard? (I do know they’re both screwdriv-ers: one has an x-shaped tip and the other has a straight tip. Why can’t they be called X-tips and Flat-tips?)I even have my own tool kit that my husband bought me three years ago. It has a place of honor on top of the refrigerator. Unfortunately, because it is the only complete tool kit around, my kit has become infiltrated with all kinds of ‘man junk’ and is now overflowing. In fact, I can barely lift it from the top of the fridge without risking being stabbed in the skull by some sharp, unidentifiable object.

As I browse the tool section at Lowe’s, I realize that I want a PINK tool kit. My theory is that if I have a pink tool kit, my husband will refuse to go near it since all men know that the touch of anything pink has the power to sissify you. Judging from the response of many men, there must be a direct link between low testosterone levels and contact with the color pink. Unfortunately, I can’t find a tool kit, in any color other than manly black, tan or bright yellow. (How did yellow get to be a man-color?)

Undeterred, I head out to Home Depot to try my luck. I finally work up the nerve to ask a helpful salesman if they actually carry pink tool boxes. He tries hard not to sneer at me as he mutters a polite, “No ma’am. We don’t carry pink.” But I know what he is thinking.

I return home and decide to Google ‘pink tool kit.’ Lucky for me, I find one: The Apollo 135- piece, pink tool kit for $29.99 at Target.com. I order that thing faster than you can say, “Pink will reduce your testosterone levels ten-fold!” When it gets here, watch out! I will become an unstoppable force. I will BE the Project Creator to end all project creators.

Richmond-area writer and teacher Colleen R. Lee lives with her husband and three kids in the Frumpy Zone. Visit her at www.frumpyzone.com

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