Richmond Parents Monthly | Family Magazine

Attack of the Blob!

You’re traveling into another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a strange land filled with oddities. Your next stop: The Frumpy Zone.

Richard Lee is an ordinary man. He goes to work, comes home, plays with his children and loves his wife. But today, he will be facing an unexpected journey… a journey into The Frumpy Zone.

He is trying to relax on his day off, but something has him on edge. Could it be the bickering of the children? No. Could it be that the house is cluttered and his wife is off doing God knows what? No. Wait, there it is, a distinct, rhythmic banging coming from the upstairs laundry closet.

RAT, tat-tat, RAT, tat-tat, over and over and over again.
He’s heard this sound before. It’s the spin cycle from the washing machine. But today, the sound is ominous, eerily repetitive like Poe’s Raven, tap, tap, tapping at the laundry door. Richard sighs and turns up the TV.

But the RAT, tat-tat persists. It’s getting louder and louder. Richard can’t concentrate on the channels he is surfing through. All he can hear is that infernal tapping. His heart is beating to the rhythm of the sound. His hands are clammy. The remote slips from his fingers. His head is pounding.

Suddenly a crash. On alert, Richard sits up. The house is strangely silent. The kids are outside so it wasn’t them. His wife… she’s upstairs! He hears her blood-curdling scream. “The machine has a life of its own and threw this at me!” She creis.
Richard races up the steps only to face a horrific sight. His wife is sitting on the floor in front of the laundry closet, a gooey slime creeping up her hands. The Blob has infiltrated the house via the washing machine and is attacking his wife! The Blob has oozed under the machines, covering the entire closet floor.

On closer inspection, Richard sees the overturned laundry soap bottle on the floor: cap broken, thick, gel-like soap leaking everywhere. Grabbing towels, Richard flings himself toward his wife and the Blob. He frantically tries to stem the ooze from seeping, gasp!, underneath the washing machine and dryer. But, alas, The Blob eats the remainder of Richard’s Saturday and he is forced to move the machines and sop up the remnants of The Blob.

For some, a journey into the Frumpy Zone can be mind shattering. For others, it is eye opening. Richard Lee has had a brief taste of this alternate universe. The next day, he is eager to return to work. Eager to leave…THE FRUMPY ZONE.

Richmond-area writer and teacher Colleen R. Lee lives with her husband and three kids in the Frumpy Zone. Visit her at www.frumpyzone.com

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