Richmond Parents Monthly | Richmond magazine for families

In many busy families, early mornings are filled with near hysteria, getting everyone started off to school and work on the wrong foot. There is a better way. even if mornings have been a disaster for years, it isn’t too late to make changes.

Call an emergency family meeting and announce that things are going to be different. rather than trying to change everything at once, however, start with a minor problem. Once you’ve had success, it’ll be easier to move on to bigger issues.

Remember, as a parent, your primary mission is to guide your kids toward maturity and responsibility. in this case, your immediate goal is: each Person is responsible for Getting Out the Door on Time. here are some steps to take.

1. Make a firm rule that you will be unable to disperse funds, mend clothing, or help with homework in the morning. Say you’re willing to help when you have time, but you will never have time at breakfast. Post a bulletin board for messages. (Need two dozen cupcakes Friday. $7 for field trip Tues.)

2. Make sure everyone has a launch pad – a backpack, a special shelf, a plastic crate. homework, money, permission slips and such should be assembled the night before. if this is new for your family, remind everyone before bedtime for a week or so, then perhaps on Sunday nights for a month. After that they’re on their own. if a gym suit is forgotten, the student will have to take the demerits.

3. encourage family members to make lists. Provide a non-moveable note pad or a washable memo board for each person.

4. handle finances on Sunday. Give older children lunch money for the week. if younger ones can’t buy lunch tickets, have them seal the daily amount in five envelopes.

5. When disasters occur to the tune of “it’s all your fault!” calmly remind the person that he or she chose not to set the alarm or be sure there were clean socks. expect resistance and even anger for a while. After all, it’s always nicer to have someone else to blame when things go wrong.

BREAKFAST Four-year-olds can pour cereal. instant hot breakfasts are more expensive, but they can be well worth the convenience. Other energy-giving meals that youngsters can manage: toast with melted cheese, leftover spaghetti, chili, or pizza. (Why not?) Mix juice the night before. Make everyone’s meal a personal responsibility or share setting the table, cooking and doing the dishes. Find what works best for your family.

BROWN-BAGGERS if your family carries lunch, make sandwiches on the weekend and freeze. When you bake a cake, divert some batter to a muffin tin and freeze the cupcakes. (Slice in half to add frosting so it won’t smear in the lunch bag.) have plenty of tempting fresh fruit. For young children, post a pictorial reminder to take one sandwich (or a half, if they’re in a nibble phase), a “good” snack (meaning nutritious), a piece of fruit and a “treat.”

“NO ONE WEARS JACKETS!” if you have clothing hassles, post a chart by an outdoor thermometer. it might say, for instance: under 65 - sweater; under 55 - brown jacket; under 45 - ski jacket and hat. Then the chart makes the decision; it’s not your edict.

MISSING THE BUS Some parents frequently “have to” drive students to school. Others simply take it for granted that it’s the children’s responsibility to be on time for the school bus or car pool. One mother announces each fall she’ll take a child to school once if the ride is missed. The next time, the child will help her all day at home, including vacuuming and cleaning windows. if no adult is home during the day, find an equally productive (and unpleasant) consequence. recruit a neighbor or family member willing to take in a young floor-scrubber for a day (and one day will usually solve the problem). Alternatives: going to day care with a younger sibling, going to work with you (if possible) or no transportation to “fun” activities for a week.

BE FLEXIBLE if your first approach to calmer dawns fails, try another tack. here are some ideas from others who have regained some tranquility in their mornings. One family uses a rotating schedule of who uses the bathroom first, who tidies the kitchen and who locks the doors. in another family, the 9-year-old daughter gets up 20 minutes early to supervise a toddler in exchange for being excused from evening chores. her 12-year-old brother (who detests dawn) sees the dinner dishes as the lesser of two evils. Still another family plays a CD of “Swan Lake” instead of tuning the TV to cartoons or newscasts of traffic disasters. everyone seems to absorb the relaxed tempo created by the rich, languid music. it’s easy to get drawn into kids’ declarations of doom if you don’t help them. One mother avoids taking on her youngsters’ responsibilities with an early morning jog, returning just in time for a goodbye kiss. E

EASY DOES IT it may seem that things get worse at first, but remember, you don’t have to change everything overnight. Tackle one problem area at a time, then wait a week or two until the new behavior becomes a habit. Soon your calmer mornings will have the family going off in a much more optimistic and relaxed frame of mind.

Frequent contributor Lynn Pribus lives in Charlottesville. Her sons never missed the school bus.